These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
