Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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