It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
