We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
