your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
