Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
