your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
