Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
