i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
