a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
