so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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