Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
