Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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