glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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