don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
