The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
