Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize