if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
