What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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