My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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