Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
