Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
