There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Banned from zoo.
Again?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize