if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
