he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You ate ashes out of my bong
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
