why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
