my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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