Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My ass is underappreciated
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
