Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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