i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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