My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize