seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
