Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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