Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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