she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
