I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Panties = found
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
