i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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