I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
