My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
