Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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