i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
