But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's blow job season.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
