I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
