Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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