I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
