There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
