oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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