you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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