She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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