I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
