I skipped work to stalk him.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
