I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
