we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
