if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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