Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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