Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
