Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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