if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
