please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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