You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
