I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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