Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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