ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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