I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We need to get me chipped asap
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