Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
