so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
