Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
