if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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